Iwas twelve years old when my family moved from Australia to the United States. I was scared out of my wits to be starting all over in a place where I had no friends. On the plane to our new country, my brother and little sister and I practiced our American accents so we wouldn‘t be teased when we talked to our new schoolmates.
I couldn’t do anything about my unusual body, but I figured I could fix my foreign accent. Later I learned that most Americans love Australian accents. Crocodile Dundee had been a big hit just a few years earlier. By trying to sound like my classmates, I missed out on all sorts of opportunities to impress girls.
This was the first major change in my life, and trying to sound American wasn‘t the only mistake I made. My new school was Lindero Canyon Middle School, which is in the foothills of the Santa Monica Mountains not far from where I live today. It was a wonderful school but I struggled there at first. It’s hard for any kid to move away from where he‘s grown up, switch schools, and make new friends. Along with the usual hurdles of being new, I didn’t look like a “normal” kid. I was the only student in a wheelchair, and the only one with a teacher‘s aide. Most teens worry that they’ll be made fun of if they have a pimple. Imagine my concern.
I‘d already fought to be accepted back in Australia, in my first school in Melbourne and then again when we moved to the Brisbane area. It took so much energy to convince my classmates that I was cool enough to hang out with. Now I was forced to begin anew.
CHANGE U.
Sometimes when we go through transitions, we aren’t aware of the impact they have on us. Stress, doubt, and even depression commonly result from being moved or thrown out of your comfort zone, however easy the transition is. You may have a strong sense of purpose, high hopes, strong faith, a powerful sense of self-worth, a positive attitude, the courage to face your fears, and the ability to bounce back from failures. But if you fall apart when faced with the inevitable changes that life brings, you will never move forward.
We often resist change, but really, who would want a life without it? Some of our greatest experiences, growth, and rewards come to us as the result of moving to a new place, switching jobs, following a different course of study, or moving into a better relationship.
Our lives are a progression from childhood through adolescence and adulthood into our senior years. To not change would be impossible and deadly dull. Sometimes we have to be patient. We can‘t always control or even influence change, and the changes that we want may not happen when we want them to.
There are two major types of change that tend to challenge us and disrupt our day-to-day lives. The first happens to us. The second happens within us. We can’t control the first, but we can and should control the second.
I had no say in my parents‘ decision to move to the United States, any more than I did about being born without arms or legs. They were beyond my influence. But just as with my disability, I had the power to determine how I would deal with the move to the United States. I came to accept it and to dedicate myself to making the best of it.
You have that same ability to deal with unwanted or unexpected changes in your life. Often you can be blindsided by rapid and unexpected shifts in your circumstances—a loved one dies, a job is lost, an illness strikes, an accident occurs—so that you may not recognize at first that a major life-changing event is under way. Your first step in mastering an unwanted or sudden alteration is to be alert to them and quick to recognize that you are about to enter a new phase, for better or worse. Just being aware of that reduces the stress. Keep in mind thoughts like Okay, this is all new. It will seem a bit strange. I will need to stay calm, not panic, and be patient. I know it will all work out for the best.
When we moved to the United States, I had plenty of time to think about all the ways our lives were changing, yet at some moments I felt overwhelmed and disoriented. Sometimes I felt like screaming, “I just want to go back home to my real life!”
Sorry to say, mate, but you will probably have those moments too. I look back on mine now and see the humor in them, especially since now I love living in California. Hopefully you’ll be able to laugh at yourself one day just as I did. You should understand that frustrations and anger are natural emotions when going through a major transition. Give yourself some slack and time to adjust. It helps to prepare yourself for unexpected jolts now and then. It‘s like moving to a new city: you have to give yourself time to find your way, get acclimated, and discover where you fit in.
EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED
Culture shock set in early and often during my first few weeks in America. In fact, on the very first day of school I had a bit of a panic when the entire class stood to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. We didn’t do anything like that in Australia. I felt like I‘d walked into a club that I didn’t belong to.
Then one day all the alarms went off and the teachers told us to get under our desks! I thought aliens were attacking, but it was just a disaster drill for earthquakes. Earthquakes?
Of course I got the usual nervous glances, rude questions, and odd comments about my lack of limbs. I could not believe how curious American middle-school kids were about how I managed in the restroom. I prayed for an earthquake, just to stop the endless interrogations about my toilet tactics.
I had to adjust also to the constant shuffle from class to class. Back in Australia all my subjects were taught in one room. We didn‘t move around all day like kangaroos in the outback. At Lindero Canyon Middle School, it seemed like all we did was hop from one classroom to the next.
I was not handling this major life change very well. I’d always been a good student, but I quickly fell behind in my new school. They had no room in the regular sixth-grade classes so they‘d put me in an advanced studies program, but my grades were retreating. Looking back, I can see that I was just stressed out. And why wouldn’t I have been? My whole life had been packed up and transported across the globe.