CHORUS.And now if you please, etc.
JUDGE.For now I'm a Judge!
ALL.And a good Judge, too!
JUDGE.For now I'm a Judge!
ALL.And a good Judge, too!
JUDGE.Though all my law be fudge, Yet I'll never, never budge, But I'll live and die a Judge!
ALL.And a good Judge, too!
JUDGE (pianissimo).It was managed by a job--ALL.And a good job, too!
JUDGE.It was managed by a job!
ALL.And a good job too!
JUDGE.It is patent to the mob, That my being made a nob Was effected by a job.
ALL.And a good job too!
[Enter Counsel for Plaintiff.He takes his place in front row of Counsel's seatsRECIT -- COUNSELSwear thou the jury!
USHER.Kneel, Jurymen, oh, kneel!
[All the Jury kneel in the Jury-box, and so are hidden from audience.
USHER.Oh, will you swear by yonder skies, Whatever question may arise, 'Twixt rich and poor, 'twixt low and high, That you will well and truly try?
JURY (raising their hands, which alone are visible)To all of this we make reply By the dull slate of yonder sky:
That we will well and truly try.
We'll try.
(All rise with the last note)
RECIT -- COUNSEL
Where is the Plaintiff?
Let her now be brought.
RECIT -- USHER
Oh, Angelina! Come thou into Court!
Angelina! Angelina!
Enter the BridesmaidsCHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDSComes the broken flower--Comes the cheated maid--
Though the tempest lower, Rain and cloud will fade Take, oh maid, these posies:
Though thy beauty rare Shame the blushing roses, They are passing fair!
Wear the flowers 'til they fade;
Happy be thy life, oh maid!
[The Judge, having taken a great fancy to First Bridesmaid, sends her a note by Usher, which she reads, kisses rapturously, and places in her bosom.
Enter PlaintiffSOLO -- PLAINTIFF
O'er the season vernal, Time may cast a shade;Sunshine, if eternal, Makes the roses fade!
Time may do his duty;
Let the thief alone--
Winter hath a beauty.
That is all his own.
Fairest days are sun and shade:
I am no unhappy maid!
[The Judge having by this time transferred his admiration to Plaintiff, directs the Usher to take the note from First Bridesmaid and hand it to Plaintiff, who reads it, kisses it rapturously, and places it in her bosom.
CHORUS OF BRIDESMAIDS
Comes the broken flower, etc.
JUDGE.Oh, never, never, never, Since I joined the human race, Saw I so excellently fair a face.
THE JURY (shaking their forefingers at him).Ah, sly dog!
Ah, sly dog!
JUDGE (to Jury).How say you?
Is she not designed for capture?
FOREMAN (after consulting with the Jury).We've but one word, m'lud, and that is--Rapture!
PLAINTIFF (curtseying).Your kindness, gentlemen, quite overpowers!
JURY.We love you fondly, and would make you ours!
BRIDESMAIDS (shaking their forefingers at Jury).
Ah, sly dogs! Ah, sly dogs!
RECIT -- COUNSEL for PLAINTIFF
May it please you, m'lud!
Gentlemen of the jury!
ARIA -- COUNSEL
With a sense of deep emotion, I approach this painful case;For I never had a notion That a man could be so base, Or deceive a girl confiding, Vows, etcetera deriding.
ALL.He deceived a girl confiding, Vows, etcetera, deriding.
[Plaintiff falls sobbing on Counsel's breast and remains there.
COUNSEL.See my interesting client, Victim of a heartless wile!
See the traitor all defiant Wear a supercilious smile!
Sweetly smiled my client on him, Coyly woo'd and gently won him.
ALL.Sweetly smiled, etc.
COUNSEL.Swiftly fled each honeyed hour Spent with this unmanly male!
Sommerville became a bow'r, Alston an Arcadian Vale, Breathing concentrated otto!--An existence la Watteau.
ALL.Bless, us, concentrated otto! etc.
COUNSEL.Picture, then, my client naming, And insisting on the day:
Picture him excuses framing--
Going from her far away;
Doubly criminal to do so, For the maid had bought her trousseau!
ALL.Doubly criminal, etc.
COUNSEL (to Plaintiff, who weeps)
Cheer up, my pretty--oh, cheer up!
JURY.Cheer up, cheer up, we love you!
[Counsel leads Plaintiff fondly into Witness-box; he takes a tender leave of her, and resumes his place in Court.
(Plaintiff reels as if about to faint)
JUDGE.That she is reeling Is plain to see!
FOREMAN.If faint you're feeling Recline on me!
[She falls sobbing on to the Foreman's breast.
PLAINTIFF (feebly).I shall recover If left alone.
ALL.(shaking their fists at Defendant)
Oh, perjured lover, Atone! atone!
FOREMAN.Just like a father [Kissing her I wish to be.
JUDGE.(approaching her)
Or, if you'd rather, Recline on me!
[She jumps on to Bench, sits down by the Judge, and falls sobbing on his breast.
COUNSEL.Oh! fetch some water From far Cologne!
ALL.For this sad slaughter Atone! atone!
JURY.(shaking fists at Defendant)
Monster, monster, dread our fury--
There's the Judge, and we're the Jury!
Come! Substantial damages, Dam---
USHER.Silence in Court!
SONG -- DEFENDANT
Oh, gentlemen, listen, I pray, Though I own that my heart has been ranging, Of nature the laws I obey, For nature is constantly changing.
The moon in her phases is found, The time, and the wind, and the weather.
The months in succession come round, And you don't find two Mondays together.
Consider the moral, I pray, Nor bring a young fellow to sorrow, Who loves this young lady to-day, And loves that young lady to-morrow.
BRIDESMAIDS (rushing forward, and kneeling to Jury).
Consider the moral, etc.
One cannot eat breakfast all day, Nor is it the act of a sinner, When breakfast is taken away, To turn his attention to dinner.
And it's not in the range of belief, To look upon him as a glutton, Who, when he is tired of beef, Determines to tackle the mutton.
But this I am willing to say, If it will appease her sorrow, I'll marry this lady to-day, And I'll marry the other to-morrow.
BRIDESMAIDS (rushing forward as before)
But this he is willing say, etc.
RECIT -- JUDGE
That seems a reasonable proposition, To which, I think, your client may agree.
COUNSEL
But I submit, m'lud, with all submission, To marry two at once is Burglaree!
[Referring to law book.
In the reign of James the Second, It was generally reckoned As a rather serious crime To marry two wives at a time.
[Hands book up to Judge, who reads it.