书城外语人生要耐得住寂寞
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第12章 Abandon And Obtain人生舍与得(5)

Eventually,I realized that getting away was good not only for me but for my son and daughter.When my son first became sick,the doctors told me I had to be strong for him.I could not show fear.Somehow I also had to convey confidence to my daughter,to help her endure what hadbefallen us.

Although I feared that working might be selfish,I could see that it actually seemed reassuring to my children,a sign that we could,for moments at least,return to our routines.Working was a pledge that life could go on.It was a statement of hope.

Once again,as I had so often realized since I had become a mother,I understood how dangerous are the“shoulds”of motherhood,and how destructive is society’s insistence on one right way to be a good mother.Too many experts tell us that good mothers do not abandon their children to baby sitters.Good mothers prove their devotion by never leaving their children.Yet such rules ignore the truth that mothers are not all alike,that there are many ways to give children what they need and deserve.The rules tell mothers how to act without taking into account how mothers feel and how those feelings will affect their children.

If I had followed the rules,I would have succumbed to terror and failed my children.In the end,this ordeal eased my guilt about leaving my son’s side at times.I realized that I,like many others who care for sick people,needed somewhere else to go once in a while to draw breath and find meaning before returning to the work of nursing.For me,my job was that place.For others,it might be someplace else.

My son is recovering now,but I am still too close to his illness to understand fully what lessons I can learn,what meaning I can wrest,from this experience.All I can say is that working when my child was so sick might look wrong from the outside,but on the inside,it helped keep me sane.I grew less intimidated by the other mothers.I allowed myself to see that I was no less dedicated.We were all caring for our children,each in our own way.

每个人都明白要孝敬父母的道理,这似乎是一种传承……当你为人父母的时候,你为孩子付出了爱、付出了关怀,就会更深刻地理解这种传承……

参考翻译(胡艳)

去年当我得知两岁的儿子患了一种危及生命的疾病时,我努力和命运抗争——只要他能好起来,我什么都愿意做,甚至拿我的老命交换也可以。我们得知,儿子需要治疗好几个月,甚至一年后,才能知道他是否康复。我和我的丈夫陷入了一种呆板的生活中:头天晚上在医院,第二天晚上在家陪女儿,然后下一晚上待在医院。日日夜夜都被医疗报告搅得一片模糊。恐惧和绝望吞噬了我。

我观察了在医院的其他母亲。有一个孩子得了囊性纤维化病,他的母亲尽职尽责地帮他进行理疗,在孩子胸上连续敲打,发出空洞的砰砰声。她的努力饱含着奉献、希望和痛苦。我对另一位母亲十分同情,她的一对双胞胎婴儿得了癌症,在孩子们多次住院后强忍悲痛给护士们写感谢信。

我担心我自己可能学不了这些母亲的英勇行为。她们所做的正是好妈妈该做的,是孩子生病的妈妈不得不做的,也是我所做的。但是我并不像其他妈妈那样觉得无私。我羞于承认这一点,同时掺杂着我的恐惧和悲伤。前三周过后,我们才意识到这只是马拉松的开始。了解我的朋友们开始对我说,我应该继续工作。他们说,休整一下对我有好处。我拒绝了。我认为好妈妈不会扔下自己生病的孩子去上班。然而,儿子的医生也告诉我那样做会好些,他可以电邮给我他的评估,我忍痛离开了。

我无法正常工作——远远不能。但是我儿子的治疗捱过了一个月又一个月,他可以出院在外待较长时间了。我和丈夫仍然轮流去门诊或是医院。幸运的是,我的家人和保姆也能减轻我的负担,所以儿子一直不孤单。

可仍有很长一段时间我得抛开一切事情和他在一起。但让我吃惊的是,我发现工作时能减轻我的无助感。我可以分散注意力:有那么多电话要处理,那么多紧急的和日常工作要去做。我还能控制一些事情。

刚开始我觉得从工作中获得慰藉有一种内疚感。我常常想别的妈妈怎么想我——把上班穿的衣服带到医院,熬了一晚上听够了孩子的哭喊后,在家长单间里冲澡。

最后,我意识到离开不仅对我而且对我儿子女儿都有好处。儿子刚开始生病时候,医生对我说,为了他我得坚强起来。我不能显露出恐惧。我还得设法把信心传递给女儿,帮她承受降临到我们身上的事情。

尽管我担心去工作可能自私了,但我知道实际上这消除了孩子们的疑虑,这标识着我们至少有时可以回到日常生活中去。工作是生活能继续的保障。工作是希望的证明。

身为人母后,如我常常意识到的那样,我知道母亲“须知”有多危险,社会坚持的如一种何做好妈妈的方法又有多大的破坏性。那么多的专家告诉我们,好妈妈不会把孩子留给保姆的。好妈妈从不离开孩子来证明她们的奉献。然而这些规则都忽略了这样一个事实:并不是所有的妈妈都一样,满足孩子所需要的和他们该得到的有很多方式。这些规则教妈妈们如何做,没有考虑妈妈们的感受,以及这种感觉对孩子的影响。

如果我也遵循了这些规则,我也许向恐惧投降,也会使我的孩子失望。这个严峻的考验最终减轻了我因为不时离开儿子而产生的负疚感。我意识到,像其他人照顾病人一样,我也需要不时地去别的地方透透气,找到生活的意义,然后再回去照料病人。对我而言,工作就是这样一个地方。对别人来说,可能是其他的地方。

我的儿子现在正在康复,但我仍然很担心他的病,以至于不能完全知道我从这次经历中学到了什么,得出什么结论。我能说的是在我孩子生病时我还工作,在别人看来这似乎是不应该的。但实际上,这样做让我保持理智。我不再因为其他妈妈的行为而感到惶恐不安。我也看到自己跟其他母亲一样乐于奉献。我们都关心孩子,只是每个人都有自己的方式。

The Lesson Of Bamboo Trees 竹子的启示

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One of my fondest memories as a child is going by the river and sitting idly on the bank.There I would enjoy the peace and quiet,watch the water rush down stream and listen to the chirps of birds and the rustling of leaves in the trees.I would also watch the bamboo trees bend under pressure from the wind and watch them return gracefully to their original position after the wind had died down.

When I think about the bamboo tree’s ability to bounce back or return to its original position,the word“resilience”comes to mind.When used in reference to a person this word means the ability to readily recover from shock,depression or any other situation that stretches the limits of a person’s emotions.

Have you ever felt like you are about to snap?Have you ever felt like you are at your breaking point?Thankfully,you have survived the experience to live to talk about it.

During the experience you probably felt a mix of emotions that threatened your health.You felt emotionally drained,mentally exhausted and you most likely endured unpleasant physical symptoms.

Life is a mixture of good times and bad times,happy moments and unhappy moments.The next time you are experiencing one of those bad times or unhappy moments that take you close to your breaking point,bend,but don’t break.Try your best not to let the situation get the best of you.

A measure of hope will take you through the unpleasant ordeal.With hope for a better tomorrow or a better situation,things may not be as bad as they seem to be.The unpleasant ordeal may be easier to deal with if the end result is worth having.

If the going gets tough and you are at your breaking point,show resilience.Like the bamboo tree,bend,but don’t break!

寻找压力之下的韧性,在挫折中反弹。

参考翻译(胡艳)

徜徉于小河边,懒懒地坐在河岸上,是我孩童时留给我最美好的回忆。在那里,我总可以享受到平和与宁静,看溪水顺流而下,听小鸟啁啾以及风吹过树叶沙沙的声音。我还经常注视那片竹林,在风的重压下,他们弯下了腰。当风渐渐消失后,他们便会优雅地恢复原来的挺直状态。

当我思索竹子所具有的这种弹回或恢复原状的本领时,“韧性”这一词便浮现在我的脑海里。当我们用这个词形容一个人时,意味着这个人可以很快地从打击、绝望或任一挑战个人情感极限的状态中恢复过来。

你是否曾经觉得自己快要撑不住了?你是否曾经觉得自己到了崩溃的边缘?谢天谢地,你从那段经历挺过来了并能讨论它。

在那段经历中,你或许感觉到一种复杂的情绪威胁着你的健康;当你感到萎靡不振、精疲力竭时,很可能你还要忍受身体上各种讨厌的病症。

生活总是有高峰和低谷;有快乐的时候也有不快乐的时候。下一次,当你又要经历那些让你几近崩溃的低谷或不快乐时,弯下腰,但不要被折断。尽你最大的努力,不要让自己被击溃。

一线希望能让你挺过这些不愉快的严峻考验。抱着明天会更好或情况会好转的希望,事情可能没有看起来那么糟糕。如果最终的结果值得拥有,那么那些不愉快的考验也许就容易对付了。

如果事情变得异常困难,你快要撑不住了,那就展示你的韧性吧。就像竹子一样,弯曲但不折断!

Not Being Grateful Without Missing 莫等失去才珍惜

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