The fourth attitude you should consider when looking to increase your altitude is an attitude of forgiveness. This may be the best of all, yet it is also the most difficult to learn. Believe me, I know. As I‘ve told you, for a time in my childhood I could not forgive God for what seemed a gross mistake, my lack of limbs. I was angry and in full blame mode. Forgiveness was not on my screen.
Like me, you will have to go through a period of anger and resentment to get to forgiveness. That’s natural, but you don‘t want to hang on to those emotions too long because after a while you only hurt yourself by allowing them to boil within your heart.
Anger was not designed to be an around-the-clock emotion. Like your car, your body breaks down if you keep the engine racing too long. Medical research has shown that harboring anger and resentment for long periods causes physical and psychological stress that weakens your immune system and breaks down your vital organs. And there’s another problem with the blame game. As long as my lack of arms and legs was someone else‘s fault, I didn’t have to take responsibility for my own future. Once I made a conscious decision to forgive God and my doctors and move on with my life, I felt better physically and emotionally, and I felt my time had come to take responsibility for the rest of my life.
An attitude of forgiveness set me free. You see, when you hold on to old hurts, you only give power and control to those who hurt you, but when you forgive them, you cut the ties to them. They can no longer yank on your chain. Don‘t get hung up on thinking that by forgiving them you are doing them a favor; if nothing else, do it for yourself.
I forgave all of those kids who mocked and teased me. I didn’t forgive them to absolve them of guilt. I forgave them to unburden myself of anger and resentment. I like myself. I wanted me to be free.
So don‘t worry about what your forgiveness does for the antagonizers and hurtful people in your past. Just enjoy what forgiving them does for you. Once you’ve adopted an attitude of forgiveness, you‘ll lighten your load so that you can chase your dreams without being weighed down by baggage from the past.
The power in forgiveness goes beyond healing yourself. When Nelson Mandela forgave those who imprisoned him for twenty-seven years, the power of his attitude changed an entire nation and had a ripple effect around the world.
This power was unleashed on a smaller scale in the former Soviet Union. When I was in Ukraine, I met a pastor who’d moved his family to Russia to start a church in an area plagued by violence. As word of the pastor‘s plans spread around town, gangsters issued threats toward him and his five sons, so the pastor prayed.
“God told me that I would pay a steep cost for planting my church there, but that something amazing would result too,” he said.
Despite the threats, the pastor established his church. At first few people came to his services. Then, just a week after the pastor opened the doors, one of his sons was murdered on the street. The grieving pastor prayed again, asking for God’s guidance. God told him to stay with his church. Three months after his son‘s death, the pastor himself was stopped on the street by a scary-looking guy who said, “Would you like to meet the person who killed your son?”
“No,” said the pastor.
“Are you sure?” the man said. “What if he asked your forgiveness?”
“I’ve already forgiven him,” the pastor said.
“I shot your son,” the man said, breaking down. “And I want to join your church.”
In the weeks that followed, so many other members of the Russian mob joined the pastor‘s church that crime all but disappeared in the area. That is the power of forgiveness. When you have a forgiving attitude, you put into motion all sorts of amazing energy. And remember, this attitude allows you also to forgive yourself. As a Christian, I know that God forgives those who seek his favor, but too often we refuse to forgive ourselves for past mistakes, wrong turns, and abandoned dreams.
Self-forgiveness is just as important as forgiving others. I’ve made mistakes. So have you. We‘ve treated people badly. We’ve judged them unfairly. We all mess up. The key is to step back, admit you‘ve fallen short, apologize to the injured parties, make a promise to do better, forgive yourself, and move forward.
Now that’s an attitude you can live with!
The Bible tells us that we reap what we sow. If you are bitter, angry, self-pitying, and unforgiving, what do you think those attitudes will get you? What joy is there in a life like that? So reject those dark and pessimistic moods, load up on optimism, and charge up an attitude of gratitude, an attitude of action, an attitude of empathy, or an attitude of forgiveness.
I have experienced the power of changing my attitude, and I can tell you that it changed my life, taking me to heights I never imagined. It can do the same for you!