If you wish in the world to advance, Your merits you're bound to enhance, You must stir it and stump it, And blow your own trumpet, Or, trust me, you haven't a chance!
Now take, for example, my case:
I've a bright intellectual brain--
In all London city There's no one so witty--I've thought so again and again.
I've a highly intelligent face--
My features cannot be denied--
But, whatever I try, sir, I fail in--and why, sir?
I'm modesty personified!
If you wish in the world to advance, etc.
As a poet, I'm tender and quaint--
I've passion and fervour and grace--
From Ovid and Horace To Swinburne and Morris, They all of them take a back place.
Then I sing and I play and I paint:
Though none are accomplished as I, To say so were treason:
You ask me the reason?
I'm diffident, modest, and shy!
If you wish in the world to advance, etc.
(Exit Robin.)
RICH.(looking after him).Ah, it's a thousand pities he's such a poor opinion of himself, for a finer fellow don't walk!
Well, I'll do my best for him."Plead for him as though it was for your own father"--that's what my heart's a-remarkin' to me just now.But here she comes! Steady! Steady it is! (Enter Rose--he is much struck by her.) By the Port Admiral, but she's a tight little craft! Come, come, she's not for you, Dick, and yet--she's fit to marry Lord Nelson! By the Flag of Old England, I can't look at her unmoved.
ROSE.Sir, you are agitated--
RICH.Aye, aye, my lass, well said! I am agitated, true enough!--took flat aback, my girl; but 'tis naught--'twill pass.
(Aside.) This here heart of mine's a-dictatin' to me like anythink.Question is, Have I a right to disregard its promptings?
ROSE.Can I do aught to relieve thine anguish, for it seemeth to me that thou art in sore trouble? This apple--(offering a damaged apple).
RICH.(looking at it and returning it).No, my lass, 'tain't that: I'm--I'm took flat aback--I never see anything like you in all my born days.Parbuckle me, if you ain't the loveliest gal I've ever set eyes on.There--I can't say fairer than that, can I?
ROSE.No.(Aside.) The question is, Is it meet that an utter stranger should thus express himself? (Refers to book.)Yes--"Always speak the truth."RICH.I'd no thoughts of sayin' this here to you on my own account, for, truth to tell, I was chartered by another; but when I see you my heart it up and it says, says it, "This is the very lass for you, Dick"--"speak up to her, Dick," it says--(it calls me Dick acos we was at school together)--"tell her all, Dick," it says, "never sail under false colours--it's mean!" That's what my heart tells me to say, and in my rough, common-sailor fashion, I've said it, and I'm a-waiting for your reply.I'm a-tremblin', miss.Lookye here--(holding out his hand).That's narvousness!
ROSE (aside).Now, how should a maiden deal with such an one? (Consults book.) "Keep no one in unnecessary suspense."(Aloud.) Behold, I will not keep you in unnecessary suspense.
(Refers to book.) "In accepting an offer of marriage, do so with apparent hesitation." (Aloud.) I take you, but with a certain show of reluctance.(Refers to book.) "Avoid any appearance of eagerness." (Aloud.) Though you will bear in mind that I am far from anxious to do so.(Refers to book.) "A little show of emotion will not be misplaced!" (Aloud.) Pardon this tear!
(Wipes her eye.)
RICH.Rose, you've made me the happiest blue-jacket in England! I wouldn't change places with the Admiral of the Fleet, no matter who he's a-huggin' of at this present moment! But, axin' your pardon, miss (wiping his lips with his hand), might Ibe permitted to salute the flag I'm a-goin' to sail under?
ROSE (referring to book)."An engaged young lady should not permit too many familiarities." (Aloud.) Once! (Richard kisses her.)DUET--RICHARD and ROSE.
RICH.The battle's roar is over, O my love!
Embrace thy tender lover, O my love!
From tempests' welter, From war's alarms, O give me shelter Within those arms!
Thy smile alluring, All heart-ache curing, Gives peace enduring, O my love!
ROSE.If heart both true and tender, O my love!
A life-love can engender, O my love!
A truce to sighing And tears of brine, For joy undying Shall aye be mine,BOTH.And thou and I, love, Shall live and die, love, Without a sigh, love--My own, my love!
(Enter Robin, with Chorus of Bridesmaids.)CHORUS.
If well his suit has sped, Oh, may they soon be wed!
Oh, tell us, tell us, pray, What doth the maiden say?
In singing are we justified, Hall the Bridegroom--hail the Bride!
Let the nuptial knot be tied:
In fair phrases Hymn their praises, Hail the Bridegroom--hall the Bride?
ROB.Well--what news? Have you spoken to her?
RICH.Aye, my lad, I have--so to speak--spoke her.
ROB.And she refuses?
RICH.Why, no, I can't truly say she do.
ROB.Then she accepts! My darling! (Embraces her.)BRIDESMAIDS.
Hail the Bridegroom--hail the Bride! etc.
ROSE (aside, referring to her book).Now, what should a maiden do when she is embraced by the wrong gentleman?
RICH.Belay, my lad, belay.You don't understand.
ROSE.Oh, sir, belay, I beseech you!
RICH.You see, it's like this: she accepts--but it's me!
ROB.You! (Richard embraces Rose.)
BRIDESMAIDS.
Hail the Bridegroom--hail the Bride!
When the nuptial knot is tied--
ROB.(interrupting angrily).Hold your tongues, will you!
Now then, what does this mean?
RICH.My poor lad, my heart grieves for thee, but it's like this: the moment I see her, and just as I was a-goin' to mention your name, my heart it up and it says, says it--"Dick, you've fell in love with her yourself," it says; "be honest and sailor-like--don't skulk under false colours--speak up," it says, "take her, you dog, and with her my blessin'!"BRIDESMAIDS.
Hail the Bridegroom--hail the bride--
ROB.Will you be quiet! Go away! (Chorus makes faces at him and exeunt.) Vulgar girls!
RICH.What could I do? I'm bound to obey my heart's dictates.
ROB.Of course--no doubt.It's quite right--I don't mind--that is, not particularly--only it's--it is disappointing, you know.