And I hear all the world and his wife Awarding Diana the praise for it.
Well, well, it's the way of the world, etc....
[After song--very loud and majestic music is heard]
DIA and MER [looking off] Why, who's this? Jupiter, by Jove.
[Enter Jupiter, an extremely old man, very decrepit, with very thin straggling white beard, he wears a long braided dressing gown, handsomely trimmed, and a silk night-cap on his head.
Mercury falls back respectfully as he enters.]
JUP.Good day, Diana.Ah, Apollo.Well, well, well, what's the matter? What's the matter?
DIA.Why that young scamp Mercury says that we do nothing, and leave all the duties of Olympus to him.Will you believe it, he actually says that our influence on earth is dropping down to nil.
JUP.Well, well.Don't be hard on the lad.To tell you the truth, I'm not sure that he's far wrong.Don't let it go any further, but, between ourselves, the sacrifices and votive offerings have fallen off terribly of late.Why, I can remember the time when people offered us human sacrifices, no mistake about it, human sacrifices.Think of that.
DIA.Ah.Those good old days.
JUP.Then it fell off to oxen, pigs, and sheep.
AP.Well, there are worse things than oxen, pigs and sheep.
JUP.So I've found to my cost.My dear sir, between ourselves, it's dropped off from one thing to another until it has positively dwindled down to preserved Australian beef.What do you think of that?
AP.I don't like it at all.
JUP.You won't mention it.It might go further.
DIA.It couldn't fare worse.
JUP.In short, matters have come to such a crisis that there's no mistake about it--something must be done to restore our influence, the only question is, what?
MER.[Coming forward in great alarm.Enter Mars]
Oh incident unprecedented.
I hardly can believe it's true.
MARS.Why, bless the boy, he's quite demented.
Why, what's the matter, sir, with you?
AP.Speak quickly, or you'll get a warming.
MER.Why, mortals up the mount are swarming Our temple on Olympus storming, In hundreds--aye in thousands, too.
ALL.Goodness gracious How audacious Earth is spacious Why come here?
Our impeding Their proceeding Were good breeding That is clear.
DIA.Jupiter, hear my plea.
Upon the mount if they light.
There'll be an end of me.
I won't be seen by daylight.
AP.Tartarus is the place These scoundrels you should send to--Should they behold my face.
My influence there's an end to.
JUP.[looking over precipice]
What fools to give themselves so much exertionDIA.A government survey I'll make assertion.
AP.Perhaps the Alpine clubs their diversion.
MER.They seem to be more like a "Cook's" excursion.
ALL.Goodness gracious, etc.
AP.If, mighty Jove, you value your existence, Send them a thunderbolt with your regards.
JUP.My thunderbolts, though valid at a distance, Are not effective at a hundred yards.
MER.Let the moon's rays, Diana, strike 'em flighty, Make 'em all lunatics in various styles.
DIA.My lunar rays unhappily are mighty Only at many hundred thousand miles.
ALL.Goodness gracious, etc...
[Exeunt Jupiter, Apollo, Diana, and Mercury into ruined temple]
[Enter Sparkeion and Nicemis climbing mountain at back.]
SPAR.Here we are at last on the very summit, and we've left the others ever so far behind.Why, what's this?
NICE.A ruined palace.A palace on the top of a mountain.Iwonder who lives here? Some mighty kind, I dare say, with wealth beyond all counting who came to live up here--SPAR.To avoid his creditors.It's a lovely situation for a country house though it's very much out of repair.
NICE.Very inconvenient situation.
SPAR.Inconvenient.
NICE.Yes, how are you to get butter, milk, and eggs up here? No pigs, no poultry, no postman.Why, I should go mad.
SPAR.What a dear little practical mind it is.What a wife you will make.
NICE.Don't be too sure--we are only partly married--the marriage ceremony lasts all day.
SPAR.I have no doubt at all about it.We shall be as happy as a king and queen, though we are only a strolling actor and actress.
NICE.It's very nice of Thespis to celebrate our marriage day by giving the company a picnic on this lovely mountain.
SPAR.And still more kind to allow us to get so much ahead of all the others.Discreet Thespis.[kissing her]
NICE,.There now, get away, do.Remember the marriage ceremony is not yet completed.
SPAR.But it would be ungrateful to Thespis's discretion not to take advantage of it by improving the opportunity.
NICE.Certainly not; get away.
SPAR.On second thought the opportunity's so good it don't admit of improvement.There.[kisses her]
NICE.How dare you kiss me before we are quite married?
SPAR.Attribute it to the intoxicating influence of the mountain air.
NICE.Then we had better do down again.It is not right to expose ourselves to influences over which we have no control.
SPAR.Here far away from all the world, Dissension and derision, With Nature's wonders all unfurled To our delighted vision, With no one here (At least in sight)To interfere With our delight, And two fond lovers sever, Oh do not free, Thine hand from mine, I swear to thee My love is ever thine For ever and for ever.
NICE.On mountain top the air is keen, And most exhilarating, And we say things we do not mean In moments less elating.
So please to wait For thoughts that crop, En tete-a-tete, On mountain top, May not exactly tally With those that you May entertain, Returning to The sober plain Of yon relaxing valleySPAR.Very well--if you won't have anything to say to me, I know who will.
NICE.Who will?
SPAR.Daphne will.
NICE.Daphne would flirt with anybody.
SPAR.Anybody would flirt with Daphne.She is quite as pretty as you and has twice as much back-hair.
NICE.She has twice as much money, which may account for it.
SPAR.At all events, she has appreciation.She likes good looks.
NICE.We all like what we haven;t got.
SPAR.She keeps her eyes open.
NICE.Yes--one of them.
SPAR.Which one.
NICE.The one she doesn't wink with.