"Why do you wish my society?"
She hesitated.
His face darkened still more,for he remembered what he was,and how little this young and lovely girl had in common with him.
"Answer me truly,"he insisted;"why should you wish my society?
I've not a particle of vanity.I know what I am,and you undoubtedly know also.If you wish to advise me and preach at me,let me tell you plainly but courteously that your efforts,however,well intentioned,would be in vain,and not altogether welcome.I can conceive of no other reason why you should wish for my society."Her face became very pale,but she looked him full in his eyes as she replied:
"I do not wish to preach or advise at all.Can you not understand that one may ease one's own pain by trying to relieve the suffering of another?Now you see how selfish I am."His face softened instantly,and he said:
"Miss Burton,that is too divine a philosophy for me to grasp at once.As the world goes now,I think you are founding a school of your own.You will find me an eager listener,if not an apt scholar,whenever you will honor me with your company."And smiling his thanks he rose and left the table.
This conversation had been carried on in tones too low and quiet to be heard by others in the crowded and noisy dining-room.Van Berg,who sat opposite,had taken pains not to follow it and to appear oblivious,and yet he could not refrain from observing its general drift and scope in Mr.Mayhew's manner;and his eyes glowed with admiration for her winning tact and kindness.The glance he bent upon her was perhaps more ardent and approving than he was aware,for she,looking up from the abstraction which the recent conversation had occasioned,seemed strangely affected by it,for she trembled and her face blanched with a sudden pallor,while her eyes were riveted to his face.
"You are not well,Miss Burton,"said Stanton hastily,but in a low tone."Let me get you some wine."She started perceptibly,and then a sudden crimson suffused her face as she became conscious that other eyes were upon her.
In almost a second she recovered herself fully,and replied,with a smile:
"No,I think you,Mr.Stanton.A cup of tea is a panacea for all a woman's troubles,and you see I have it here.I did not feel well for a moment,but am better now."The eyes of Stanton and Ida met.Both had seen this little episode,and each drew from it conclusions that were anything but inspiriting.But Van Berg was thoroughly puzzled.While as he felt hen he would have gladly drawn encouragement from it,and perhaps did so to some extent,he still felt there was something peculiar in her manner,of which he seemed the occasion,but was not the adequate cause.
Miss Burton soon after sought her room,and for a few moments paced it in deep disquiet,and her whole form seemed to become tense and rigid.In low tones she communed with herself:
"Is my will so weak?Shall I continue betraying myself at any unexpected moment?Shall I show to strangers something that Iwould hide from all eyes save those of God?Let me realize it at once,and so maintain self-control henceforth.This is an illusion--a mere trick of my overwrought mind;and yet it seemed so like---"A passion of grief interrupted further words.Such bitter,uncontrollable sorrow in one so young was terrible.She writhed and struggled with this anguish for a time as helplessly as if she were in the grasp of a giant.
At last she grew calm.There were no tears in her eyes.She was beyond such simple and natural expression of sorrow.She had ready tears for the troubles of others,but now her eyes were dry and feverish.
"O God,"she gasped,"teach me patience!Keep me submissive.Let me still say,'Thy will be done.'And yet the time is drawing near when--oh,hush!hush!Let me not think of it---"There,there,be still,"she said more quietly with her hand upon her side."Hundreds of other hearts besides your own are aching.
Forget yourself in relieving them."
She bathed her face,put some brighter flowers in her hair,and went down among the other guests,seemingly the very embodiment of sunshine.All eyes save those of Ida Mayhew welcomed her;the children gathered round her;Stanton and Van Berg were both eager for her society in the dance,or better still,for a promenade;but she saw Mr.Mayhew looking wistfully at her,and she went straight to him.
With unerring tact she found out the subjects that were interesting to him,and reviving his faith in his own intelligence,led his mind through sunny,breezy ranges of thought that made the time he spent with her like an escape from the narrow walls and stifling air and gloom of a prison.