"Ladies and gentlemen,I hope you all appreciate the force of Miss Burton's phrase,'somebody,'since it implies that any one of us would have shown like courage and presence of mind if we had only been 'at hand,'or had stood where she did.Really Miss Burton,you are like smiling fortune,and 'thrust upon'us 'greatness'and heroism.""Mr.Van Berg,you are laughing at me,and your quotation suggests that other Shakespearean words are in your mind--to wit,'much ado about nothing.'Now if YOU had had the opportunity you would have achieved the rescue in a way that would have been heroic and striking.Instead of scrambling out of the way with the child,like a timid woman,you would have rushed upon the horses,seized them by their heads,thrown them back upon their haunches,and while posing in that masterful attitude,you would have called out in stentorian tones--'Remove the child.'"All laughed at this unexpected sally,and no one enjoyed it more than Stanton,who,a little before,had been excessively angry at his coachman,and,like the mother of the child,had summarily dismissed the poor fellow from his service.Quite forgetful of his uncomplimentary words concerning "Yankee school-ma'ams"in general,and this one in particular,he now stood near,and was regarding her not only with approval but with admiration.Her ready reply to Van Berg pleased him exceedingly,especially as the rising color in the face of his self-possessed friend indicated a palpable hit.
But the artist was equal to the occasion,and quickly replied as one who had felt a slight spur.
"I fear you are in part correct,Miss Burton.Instead of deftly saving the child and taking both it and myself out of harm's way,after your quiet womanly fashion,I should,no doubt,have 'rushed upon the horses and seized them by their heads.'But I fear your striking tableau,in which I appeared to such advantage,would have been wholly wanting.I could not have stopped the horses in time;the child would have been run over and killed;the big,fat coroner would have come and sat on it and have made us all,who witnessed the scene,swear over the matter;the poor mother would have gone to the lunatic asylum;the father would have committed suicide;the nursery maid would have--obtained another place and been the death of an indefinite number of other innocent babies;and last,but not least,I should have been dragged and trampled upon,my legs and arms broken,and perhaps my head,and so you would all have had to take care of me--and you know a cross bear is a pleasanter subject than a sick man.""Oh,what a chapter of horrors!"exclaimed several ladies in chorus.
"Nevertheless,we would have been equal to the occasion,even if you had been so dreadfully fractured,"said Miss Burton."We all would have become your devoted nurses,and each one of us would have had a separate and infallible remedy,which,out of courtesy,you would have been compelled to use.""Oh,bless my soul!"exclaimed Van Berg;"I have had a greater escape than the child.In being 'at hand'as you express it,Miss Burton,I am beginning to feel that you have saved me from death by torture.""What a compliment to us!"said Miss Burton,appealing to the ladies;"he regards our ministrations as equivalent to death by torture.""Oh,pardon me,I referred to the numberless 'separate and infallible remedies,'the very thought of which curdles my blood.""I cannot help thinking that my friend's prospects would have been very dismal,"put in Stanton;"for with broken legs and arms and head he would have been very badly fractured indeed to begin with,and then some one of his fair nurses might have broken his heart.""My friend probably thinks,from a direful experience,"said Van Berg,"that this would be worse than all the other fractures put together;and perhaps it would.An additional cause for gratitude,Miss Burton,that you,and not I,were 'at hand.'""My reasons for gratitude to Miss Burton,"said Stanton,"do not rest on what undoubtedly would have happened had my friend attempted the rescue,but on what has happened;and if Mr.Van Berg will introduce me I will cordially express my thanks.""With all my heart.Miss Burton,permit me to present to you Mr.
Stanton,whose only fault is a slight monomania for New England and her institutions."The lady recognized Stanton with her wonted smiling and pleasant manner,which seemed so frank and open,but behind which some present eventually learned the real woman was hiding,and said: