`Why, yes, in a manner. For a while, he managed very well; indeed, he was a model of moderation and prudence--something too much so for the tastes of our wild community;--but, some how, Lowborough had not the gift of moderation: If he stumbled a little to one side, he must go down before he could right himself: if he overshot the mark one night, the effects of it rendered him so miserable the next day that he must repeat the offence to mend it; and so on from day to day, till his clamorous conscience brought him to a stand.--And then, in his sober moments, he so bothered his friends with his remorse, and his terrors and woes, that they were obliged, in self-defence, to get him to drown his sorrows in wine, or any more potent beverage that came to hand; and when his first scruples of conscience were overcome, he would need no more persuading, he would often grow desperate, and be as great a blackguard as any of them could desire--but only to lament his own unutterable wickedness and degradation the more when the fit was over.
`At last, one day when he and I were alone together, after pondering awhile in one of his gloomy, abstracted moods, with his arms folded and his head sunk on his breast,--he suddenly woke up, and vehemently grasping my arm, said,--`Huntingdon, this won't do! I'm resolved to have done with it.'
`What, are you going to shoot yourself?' said I.
`No; I'm going to reform,'
`Oh, that's nothing new] You've been going to reform these twelve months and more.'
`Yes, but you wouldn't let me; and I was such a fool I couldn't live without you. But now I see what it is that keeps me back, and what's wanted to save me; and I'd compass sea and land to get it--only I'm afraid there's n chance.' And be sighed as if his heart would break.
`What is it Lowborough?' said I, thinking be was fairly cracked at last, `A wife,' he answered; `for I can't live alone, because my own mind distracts me, and I can't live with you, because you take the devil's part against me.'
`Who--I?'
`Yes--all of you do,--and you more than any of them, you know, But if I could get a wife, with fortune enough to pay off my debts and set me straight in the world--`
`To be sure,' said I.
`And sweetness and goodness enough,' be continued, `to make home tolerable, and to reconcile me to myself,--I think I should do, yet, I shall never be in love again, that's certain; but perhaps that would be no great matter, it would enable me to choose with my eyes open,--and I should make a good husband in spite of it; but could anyone be in love with me?--that's the question--With your good looks and powers of fascination'
(he was pleased to say), `I might hope; but as it is, Huntingdon, do you think anybody would take me--ruined and wretched as I am?'
`Yes, certainly.'
`Who?'
`Why, any neglected old maid, fasting in despair, would be delighted to--`
`No, no,' said he--`it must be somebody that I can love.'
`Why, you just said you never could be in love again!'
`Well, love is not the word,--but somebody that I can like.--I'll search all England through, at all events!' he cried, with a sudden burst of hope, or desperation. `Succeed or fall, it will be better than rushing headlong to destruction at that d--d club: so farewell to it and you, Whenever I meet you on honest ground or under a Christian roof, I shall be glad to see you; but never more shall you entice me to that devil's den!'
`This was shameful language, but I shook hands with him, and we parted. He kept his word; and from that time forward, he has been a pattern of propriety, as far as I can tell; but, till lately, I have not had very much to do with him. He occasionally sought my company but as frequently shrunk from it, fearing lest I should wile him back to destruction, and I found his not very entertaining, especially as he sometimes attempted to awaken my conscience and draw me from the perdition he considered himself to have escaped; but when I did happen to meet him, I seldom failed to ask after the progress of his matrimonial efforts and re searches, and, in general he could give me but a poor account. The mothers were repelled by his empty coffers and his reputation for gambling, and the daughters by his cloudy brow and melancholy temper,--besides, he didn't understand them; he wanted the spirit and assurance to carry his point.
`I left him at it when I went to the continent; and on my return, at the year's end, I found him still a disconsolate bachelor--though, certainly, looking somewhat less like an unblest exile from the tomb than before.
The young ladies had ceased to be afraid of him, and were beginning to think him quite interesting; but the mammas were still unrelenting, It was about this time, Helen, that my good angel brought me into conjunction with you; and then I had eyes and ears for nobody else, But meantime, Lowborough became acquainted with our charming friend, Miss Wilmot--through intervention of his good angel, no doubt he would tell you, though he did not dare to fix his hopes on one so courted and admired, till after they were brought into closer contact here at Staningley, and she, in the absence of her other admirers, indubitably courted his notice and held out every encouragement to his timid advances. Then indeed, he began to hope for a dawn of brighter days; and if, for a while, I darkened his prospects by standing between him and his sun--and so, nearly plunged him again into the abyss of despair--it only intensified his ardour and strengthened his hopes when I chose to abandon the field in the pursuit of a brighter treasure. In a word, as I told you, he is fairly besotted, At first, he could dimly perceive her faults, and they gave him considerable uneasiness; but now his passion and her art together have blinded him to everything but her perfections and his amazing good fortune, Last night, he came to rue brimful of his new-found felicity:
`Huntingdon, I am not a castaway!' said he, seizing my hand and squeezing it like a vice, `There is happiness in store for me yet--even in this life--she loves me!'