LONDON,January 18,O.S.1750
MY DEAR FRIEND:I consider the solid part of your little edifice as so near being finished and completed,that my only remaining care is about the embellishments;and that must now be your principal care too.Adorn yourself with all those graces and accomplishments,which,without solidity,are frivolous;but without which solidity is,to a great degree,useless.Take one man,with a very moderate degree of knowledge,but with a pleasing figure,a prepossessing address,graceful in all that he says and does,polite,'liant',and,in short,adorned with all the lesser talents:and take another man,with sound sense and profound knowledge,but without the above-mentioned advantages;the former will not only get the better of the latter,in every pursuit of every KIND,but in truth there will be no sort of competition between them.But can every man acquire these advantages?I say,Yes,if he please,suppose he is in a situation and in circumstances to frequent good company.
Attention,observation,and imitation,will most infallibly do it.
When you see a man whose first 'abord'strikes you,prepossesses you in his favor,and makes you entertain a good opinion of him,you do not know why,analyze that 'abord',and examine,within yourself,the several parts that composed it;and you will generally find it to be the result,the happy assemblage of modesty unembarrassed,respect without timidity,a genteel,but unaffected attitude of body and limbs,an open,cheerful,but unsmirking countenance,and a dress,by no means negligent,and yet not foppish.Copy him,then,not servilely,but as some of the greatest masters of painting have copied others;insomuch that their copies have been equal to the originals,both as to beauty and freedom.When you see a man who is universally allowed to shine as an agreeable,well-bred man,and a fine gentleman (as,for example,the Duke de Nivernois),attend to him,watch him carefully;observe in what manner he addresses himself to his superiors,how he lives with his equals,and how he treats his inferiors.Mind his turn of conversation in the several situations of morning visits,the table,and the evening amusements.Imitate,without mimicking him;and be his duplicate,but not his ape.You will find that he takes care never to say or do any thing that can be construed into a slight,or a negligence;or that can,in any degree,mortify people's vanity and self-love;on the contrary,you will perceive that he makes people pleased with him,by making them first pleased with themselves:he shows respect,regard,esteem and attention,where they are severally proper:he sows them with care,and he reaps them in plenty.
These amiable accomplishments are all to be acquired by use and imitation;for we are,in truth,more than half what we are by imitation.
The great point is,to choose good models and to study them with care.
People insensibly contract,not only the air,the manners,and the vices,of those with whom they commonly converse,but their virtues too,and even their way of thinking.This is so true,that I have known very plain understandings catch a certain degree of wit,by constantly conversing with those who had a great deal.Persist,therefore,in keeping the best company,and you will insensibly become like them;but if you add attention and observation,you will very soon become one of them.The inevitable contagion of company shows you the necessity of keeping the best,and avoiding all other;for in everyone,something will stick.You have hitherto,I confess,had very few opportunities of keeping polite company.Westminster school is,undoubtedly,the seat of illiberal manners and brutal behavior.Leipsig,I suppose,is not the seat of refined and elegant manners.Venice,I believe,has done something;Rome,I hope,will do a great deal more;and Paris will,Idare say,do all that you want;always supposing that you frequent the best companies,and in the intention of improving and forming yourself;for without that intention nothing will do.
I here subjoin a list of all those necessary,ornamental accomplishments (without which,no man living can either please,or rise in the world)which hitherto I fear you want,and which only require your care and attention to possess.
To speak elegantly,whatever language you speak in;without which nobody will hear you with pleasure,and consequently you will speak to very little purpose.
An agreeable and distinct elocution;without which nobody will hear you with patience:this everybody may acquire,who is not born with some imperfection in the organs of speech.You are not;and therefore it is wholly in your power.You need take much less pains for it than Demosthenes did.
A distinguished politeness of manners and address;which common sense,observation,good company,and imitation,will infallibly give you if you will accept it.
A genteel carriage and graceful motions,with the air of a man of fashion:a good dancing-master,with some care on your part,and some imitation of those who excel,will soon bring this about.
To be extremely clean in your person,and perfectly well dressed,,according to the fashion,be that what it will:Your negligence of your dress while you were a schoolboy was pardonable,but would not be so now.
Upon the whole,take it for granted,that without these accomplishments,all you know,and all you can do,will avail you very little.Adieu.